I wrote this entry while I was in a remote outpost on the Saudi-Iraqi border. Basically I didn't have much to do out there. There wasn't alot of Chain of Command around and it would have been easy to slip into idolatry in the form of video games, movies, or anime. I realized this as I was spending upwards of 8 hours a day in my bible or theology books. I realized that I couldn't be filled up anywhere but with the living water of the word of God. And furthermore that nothing made me happy quite like an entire day spent meditating on God's words. I realized that I never could get tired of thinking God's thoughts after him, it was the greatest joy imaginable. This post is what came out of weeks of study, but it only took me a hour or so to write because the thoughts were so clear in my head.
Here it is:
Here's the problem with people. Augustine alluded to the fact that people don’t dare to have passion. We know what the result of passion looks like: the drunk, the sybarite, the addict, the revolutionary. Our inhibition to real passion is not caused because we humans are irrational. Rather it is precisely because of our rationality that we don’t let ourselves get too caught up in anything, but this was not always so. When we were children we could hardly hold our patience for Christmas or barely hide our enthusiasm when Dad would come home. The problem is that legitimately we were disappointed. Dad, didn’t come home on time or at all. We didn’t get that one present we asked Santa for. That relationship failed and we were hurt. Because this is a fallen world, one that is thoroughly perverted by sin, we learn rightly as rational beings that passion ends in disappointment.
But here is the problem; we were not made for disappointment. We were made for perfect unity with the Father. To live in a perfect world, without disappointment that works harmoniously to God’s ends which should be the cause of our joy. So what is moderation? There is no moderation. God does not expect moderation from us! He expects us to get our entire fulfilment in him. Not some, not a balanced food pyramid of proper eating, up at 6am to bed by 10pm, 1 hour of cardio, 1 hour bible study. Sure the ideal Christian should appear a persona of moderation to the unbeliever. But this is only because the unbeliever suppresses God from sight in the background. When someone asks you why you do anything you should respond with “For God’s glory and thus my joy.” I am not saying that you should actually present it this way every time, but that is where your heart should be.
Can God disappoint? Seriously ask yourself, is God capable of disappointing us? Listen to what the Apostle Peter promises us in 2 Peter 1:3-5 “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness. Through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.” God says clearly that he is not going to disappoint. But if you believe he will ultimately disappoint you have answered your own question as to why you are not happy. When I say happy I do not mean manic. I do not mean a chemical induced state of feeling that is lacking in understanding and ignorant to the darkness of life. I also do not mean for you to dig in and wait for heaven or the rapture because that is when it all starts. But I mean an ultimately content, true belief that all things are working according to his will for our good and his glory. (See Romans 8:28) I know there are some of you that say “ I believe that the Bible is the inerrant word of God” or “I understand the Trinity, God’s sovereignty, all the good doctrines.” You can even explain them to me. But do you live in light of them? If the Bible is inerrant and God doesn’t disappoint and joy is only found in the lord and his gifts then the rational response should be like a drunkard when he wakes in the morning. You should turn belligerently to you wife in your sleepiness and say “where’s my Bible?” ...“I need to drink me a pint of living water to get the day started.”
Until you realize that life is meant to be a life of passionate intensity you will not understand the encouragement Paul gives to the church in Philippians 4:4-7 “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice… but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Realize intensity of feeling in your communion with God. Expect an otherwise irrational feeling of bliss that comes from hanging every little and big thing on God. Experience the incredible feeling of no control, like a drug addict letting loose, if only you can lose your inhibiting desire for freedom of choice. Be slave to God, and you will find ecstasy. Don’t let yourselves be too moderate for this. Who cares if you are the guy in front waving his arm singing. You don’t need to appear respectable. Don’t sit and suffer in your respectability. Cut loose and go join the Jesus party where water turns into wine.
There are two kinds of suffering: Vain suffering and righteous suffering. But I will tell you, that you can learn to love suffering too. I will call it Christian Masochism. Recall in the Acts, that God says to Paul with reference to the thorn in his side. “My power is made perfect in weakness.” Why do we fast? Fasting shows us our weakness and dependence on God. It reminds us that we need God and also we find joy in fasting because we only find joy in the perfect source, that of God. We experience eternal and perfect God of joy and gladness. Why does Paul say to kill our flesh in Romans? Our flesh deceives us because it is sin and the way of the world. Is over coming sin easy? No definitely not. In fact it is so hard that we need God’s grace to do it in the first place. But I love putting my sin to death. Like a masochist I like to be tempted but then by God’s empowering grace destroy my flesh. I take delight in seeing my flesh die and Satan frustrated and humiliated before God. This is true passion (recall Elijah and the prophets of Baal 1Kings 18:20-40). What about you prideful respectable types? I like looking foolish for the sake of Jesus. I like being humiliated for the sake of Christ. I like seeing my ego battered and beaten and broken. I don’t even want to pick up the pieces I just want to see God’s will done and see him get his glory. And in that my Christian masochism is complete.
But let us not forget that suffering for sufferings sake is foolishness. Vain suffering is true misery. It is the suffering we do, so that we can martyr ourselves and gain pity, sympathy, or attention. It is the passive aggressive wife that just cries and complains that nothing she ever does is good enough. It is the husband that says, “I’m fine” and when asked again says “I’m fine and we are fine, let me just use my computer in peace.” Christian masochism is allowing Jesus to cover pain and suffering and replace it with joy that is only from him especially when it is uncomfortable. It is letting go of your wants, desires and plans for his sake or the sake of others. It is not enduring pain and hardship for attention or to build our ego, demonstrate our strength and have something to brag about. Some guys do this all the time it sounds like: “One time in wrestling camp” or “When I was in basic training.” Or “One summer I had to…” Jesus is lord. You are not lord you did not die on a cross, your pain was nothing compared to bearing the sins of this world past, present, and future.
Ask yourself what it is that holds you back from giving up everything and letting loose? Often times you will find two answers that cover the plethora of specifics. You don’t trust that God won’t disappoint or you don’t want to look foolish in front of others. One is a lack of faith and the other is lack of humility. Pray for faith and it will be given remember what is says in Mark 9:23-24 “All things are possible for one who believes. Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, 'I believe; help my unbelief!'" and Jesus goes on to heal the boy. For those of you in pride remember something: You are demonic, pride is demonic, in fact it defines demonic because it is Lucifer’s chief sin. Meditate on that and ask your husband or wife if he or she likes being married to someone who is demonic. Just remember 1 John: 7-9 because of what Jesus has done God must forgive us our sins because for him not to would deny his very nature.
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